“It helped, because I got to see what 'normal' looked like,” Roché says.“I also saw that my ex wasn't the only guy who would want to be with me.Clearly, these people are then going to want to be certain that any second relationship will stand the test of time before they tie the legal knot.I interviewed one such person, Sue, for my book Couples.Both she and her second husband were married to other people when they were younger.With two children, Sue had “wanted to make sure it was absolutely the right thing to do, that I wasn’t messing up the children any more.It bolstered my confidence for dating.” Claudia Barnett needed some alone time to heal before seeking a new relationship.“Your marriage has died; you need to grieve that loss,” Barnett says.
Some spend more time trying to extricate themselves from unhappy marriages than they do living happily together in the first place.
In fact, they are usually really enthusiastic about doing so.
We might even say that getting to know one another better and more deeply is (up to a certain limited point, of course) the very of a dating relationship.
For a marriage to last 50 years from our early twenties until old age, as Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward demonstrated, both people have to change in roughly the same direction, and accept each other as they change Divorce is, as George Bernard Shaw said, “not the destruction of marriage, but the first condition of its maintenance”.
So it’s good to know that new research from the Marriage Foundation shows that contrary to myth, second marriages have a better chance of success with 31 per cent ending in divorce compared with 45 per cent of first marriages.
For some people, that happens before they move out.