The next day came and went without a text and again I reached out to him. It was true ghosting because back then social media didn’t allow me to keep tabs on him. The fear you get when a guy you like isn’t reaching out to you.
He pulled the classic fade out and it was a miserable experience.
In the meantime, it still sucks to be on the receiving end.
When I look in the mirror, for the most part, I like what I see.
Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married? From Disney movies to my favorite shows like “The Office” to practically every pop song released, love is constantly sold as an emotion we have before we’re married.
And that’s why my wife just gave me that half-smile. And now that I’ve tried to change the way I look at love, the more I become shocked at the messages of love I had gotten when I was younger.
They usually find us I know there is this myth in Black America that brothers like their sisters thick, thick like a luscious milkshake, that “brings all the boys to the yard,” as it were.
Even so, one could argue that these mainstream films reflect the desires of white America, or more to the point, white men, and not Black men, which up to this point is the only group of men I’ve dated.
I guess that’s why I told my wife I loved her on our second date. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.
I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I tried so hard to keep that fire going, to keep that emotion alight, but it got harder and harder. And what was even more interesting was that once I realized this on a conscious level, and started trying to find more opportunities to give, the more we both, almost intuitively, became lovey-dovey. From the excitement of dating a woman I felt like I could marry. Imagine a whole nation of people constantly chasing the emotions they had when they were dating. That’s a recipe for disastrous marriages; for a country with a 50% divorce rate; for adultery (the classic attempt to turn the fire back on); for people who do stay together to simply live functional, loveless marriages. How many people are in pain simply because they’ve been lied to.
One saving grace is that most people, male or female, usually aren’t doing this stuff deliberately.
It’s more accurate to attribute this kind of behavior to cluelessness rather than malice, with also makes it easier on you.
And then his interest wanes and he starts treating her like an option instead of a priority? An excellent question that has been posed by women since time immemorial.