While a man in his twenties or even thirties may still have quite a bit of maturing left to do a man in his fifties may not have this issue to deal with.
For this reason, it is not only the age difference but also the current ages of the partners that factors into the equation.
And as someone who has long since subscribed to the Golden Ratio of Dating (my heteronormative assumption that for a ‘perfect’ relationship, the man should be three years older than his girlfriend — and, you know, the theory that women lose stock value after 25), I assumed that age was just as important to everyone else.
That is, until I started sleeping with younger men.
As members of a society that somehow associates infancy with experience and inherent value (or at least, I assume that’s what all those 30 Under 30 lists are for, anyways), the continual upwards scroll of that second digit of my age is nothing more than a painful daily reminder that I’m no longer the youngest in my friend group, work circle, or most bars.
” (file that one under ‘not helpful advice to tell a woman on her birthday), dating Jake , young, young Jake, turned out to be the best thing I could do for my dating life, my sex life, and my self confidence. After a quick trip to the Halloween store, I had procured a cheap pair of handcuffs; one Snapchat and two hours later, Jake and I were laughing our way through the fact that I thought kids’ metal handcuffs sure to lacerate my arteries were the best way to explore.
What the handcuffs did lead to, though, was my own realization that the younger your partner, the more open they are to being Good, Giving, and Game — noted sex therapist Dan Savage’s theory that the best sex comes from partners being kind, generous, and up to try anything.
He turned out to be a whole five years younger than me — four, if you’re generously rounding, two when I talked to my friends about him — but in actuality, a full five years younger than I was at the time. ” But Jake’s request to try out handcuffs brought something else starkly into focus: that until I was deeply, deeply in a committed relationship, I was often reticent to try anything new, mainly for fear of looking stupid.
And though I spent far too much time while we were dating worrying about appearances despite my male friends assurances that “older women are hot! And in talking to friends on all sides of the aisle, it looks like I’m not alone — dating young, even for all the jokes about MILFs and dirty old men, has some very compelling benefits. Handcuffs fell into that category; while I’d been lightly tied up before, never with any real efficacy that didn’t immediately dissolve into general rolling around.